Well, would it be irony or coincidence or kismet or karma or sibling rivalry or what exactly if the very damned day I got the bill from the hospital for said incident I also got a call from my 12 year old son that HE needed to go to the emergency room?
It would be coincidence, I think. Irony is really over-used, and often, incorrectly.
But really, that's not quite how it happened, it happened more like I was reading the bill from the emergency room and focusing on the part where it said, "NOT COVERED" when my phone rang and it was the giant middle schooler, who I knew was at his giant middle school baseball practice, which is only a few blocks from my house. I assumed he would be asking for a ride home those few measly blocks, so I steeled myself and answered as unlovingly as possible, "Yeah, what?"
"Can you come get me?" Sniffle. Pitiful Sniffle.
"I'd like a ride."
"Are ya dyin' or something?"
"Nope. Just bleeding. I think maybe I broke my nose."
"Really. And why would you think that?"
"Uh, a baseball hit it and it made a loud cracking noise."
So, that is when I got a lot nicer and sent his father to go pick him up. They came back home and I kid you not even a little bit that the child's nose was on the SIDE of his face instead of nicely mounted in the center where I made it. I am rather big on symmetry, so I suggested we visit the ER since we've got frequent flyer miles there and our own parking space and everything, and I kid you not AGAIN when the giant middle schooler, who plays tackle football and creams people twice his size AND just took a baseball to the face suddenly looked panicked and squealed, "Will I have to get a...shot?"
And that is when I used foul language right at my beloved first born who stood before me covered in his own blood.
"Aw, for f*%k's sake, Calvin. Get your ass in the truck."
And we went, once again to the ER where they were just getting done cleaning up the blood from my other child, and once again our very swell doctor friend came and comforted us.
And then she made a call to one of the best plastic surgeons in the city to make my baby pretty again.
And then she made a sign that she layed on his belly as he was wheeled to have his nose straightened back to its rightful place in the center of his facialary region.
Not only a damned fine doctor, she's also
some sorta comedienne, apparently.
Don't know about the rest of ya's, but I'd be okay if we just stayed home and watched TV for awhile.