And we're back.

After what Blogher Ads purports to be years of inactivity (only three weeks, gah) the LGBG spaceship has finally landed back home. We've experienced a whirlwind trip to Kansas for a baseball tournament for nine-year-olds (and felt really sorry for ourselves until we played the team that drove there from frickin' Canada) we spent a relaxing week by a lake with only one trip to the emergency room, and Big Dude and I were treated to a quick getaway to the hotel where we spent our wedding night...all which means we spent more time in strange beds than our own in August. Which is pretty much like college, only with clean sheets. That's a joke, mom.

This week has been the mad rush for football gear that fits, buying sh'loads of school supplies that will be returned back home in May completely unused except for broken colored pencils, the where-the-hell-is-your-lunchboxing, oh shit you both need haircuts and what? Your shoes don't FIT? Then, mercifully, finally, and with great gusto: the first day of school. Ahhhh.

Seems like if I really was a nice person, a real blogger or someone who really was on top of things, I could've maybe gotten some guest posters to write clever quips about me or tell embarrassing stories of how my skirt got tucked in my pantyhose at Blogher '06, only I've never been to Blogher and I don't wear pantyhose. Or I would have left you all with something better than the turtlevator story to read for lo these past weeks, huh? Well, imagine your surprise, little miss smarty-reader-pants when I tell you that I've been contacted by a major online and television direct marketer who wants to produce and market the TURTLEVATOR (patent pending, registered trademark) as the next big thing since the Shamwow? Imagine my surprise as well. And PETAs. Okay, that didn't happen, but I bet you totally could sell at least of few of them if you put it on right in the middle of the Spongebob "Band Geeks" episode. However, I will say that the Turtlevator (pp & rt), while limited in its ability to provide comfort to aquatic reptiles, is simply dandy for sending up last minute drinks of water at bedtime, DS games, and rolls of toilet paper. And, I am currently working on a prototype with much larger mardi gras beads that will be able to handle laundry baskets full of clean towels.

And when Blogher Ads comes knockin, I'll tell them this ship has sailed, ladies. This ship has sailed.