Monday, April 19, 2010

I'm pretty sure nobody has ever gotten seriously injured sitting on the couch and watching TV. At least I haven't.

Hey remember how I was just at the emergency room like LAST WEEK because in the course of my 10 year old having "fun" he actually had his head split open and required four staples in his skin to hold it all back together? Remember that?

Well, would it be irony or coincidence or kismet or karma or sibling rivalry or what exactly if the very damned day I got the bill from the hospital for said incident I also got a call from my 12 year old son that HE needed to go to the emergency room?

It would be coincidence, I think. Irony is really over-used, and often, incorrectly.

But really, that's not quite how it happened, it happened more like I was reading the bill from the emergency room and focusing on the part where it said, "NOT COVERED" when my phone rang and it was the giant middle schooler, who I knew was at his giant middle school baseball practice, which is only a few blocks from my house. I assumed he would be asking for a ride home those few measly blocks, so I steeled myself and answered as unlovingly as possible, "Yeah, what?"

"Can you come get me?" Sniffle. Pitiful Sniffle.

"Why?"

"I'd like a ride."

"Are ya dyin' or something?"

"Nope. Just bleeding. I think maybe I broke my nose."

"Really. And why would you think that?"

"Uh, a baseball hit it and it made a loud cracking noise."

So, that is when I got a lot nicer and sent his father to go pick him up.  They came back home and I kid you not even a little bit that the child's nose was on the SIDE of his face instead of nicely mounted in the center where I made it. I am rather big on symmetry, so I suggested we visit the ER since we've got frequent flyer miles there and our own parking space and everything, and I kid you not AGAIN when the giant middle schooler, who plays tackle football and creams people twice his size AND just took a baseball to the face suddenly looked panicked and squealed, "Will I have to get a...shot?"

And that is when I used foul language right at my beloved first born who stood before me covered in his own blood.

"Aw, for f*%k's sake, Calvin. Get your ass in the truck."

He did.

And we went, once again to the ER where they were just getting done cleaning up the blood from my other child, and once again our very swell doctor friend came and comforted us.

And then she made a call to one of the best plastic surgeons in the city to make my baby pretty again.

And then she made a sign that she layed on his belly as he was wheeled to have his nose straightened back to its rightful place in the center of his facialary region.

Not only a damned fine doctor, she's also 
some sorta comedienne, apparently.

Don't know about the rest of ya's, but I'd be okay if we just stayed home and watched TV for awhile.

11 comments:

  1. That's a pretty classic example of "when it rains, it pours".

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  2. Tell him to tell everyone he hurt his nose during his boxing days. Chicks love that shit.

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  3. Oh, that is more than I can bear. I deal with food allergies and stuff. But the blood stuff. no thanks.

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  4. Ouch. Now your kids really remind me of the men in my life. Let me know when you're ready to fence them in a pasture somewhere where they can't get hurt...we'll go half-sies.

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  5. I suspect you'll soon have lots of personal injury attorneys knocking on your door.

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  6. I now have the perfect excuse to sit at home and watch TV all day!! THANKS!!!

    ps. sorry about your babies and your hospital bills.

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  7. Isn't it fun to watch the boys try to outdo eachother?

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  8. Ah... the co-pay years. I know they await me.

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  9. P.S. Thanks for stopping over! I don't know another way to talk to you..but through here. I lost all my blogroll, so I"m finding people again through comments! Thanks for coming over, I've got your trail now! Have a wonderful day, and when does your big boy come home?

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  10. Wow! That's quite a week you've had! What middle school kid can claim he's already had plastic surgery at his age? He has the makings of a good English class essay at the very least. And maybe pity from some teen girls?

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  11. I just passed out cold at reading that side-nose description. In fact, I'm typing this comatose right now. I hope you're satisfied missy. I'm a mess.

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