While some people take inspiration from poetry or speeches, operas or beautiful landscapes, biblical passages or literature, I make all of the important decisions necessary to run my entire life on the principles set forth in the Cake song, Short Skirt Long Jacket.
It's a good strategy.
Can't decide what to wear? Got that one covered. Just add shoes that cut.
What type of vehicle should I get? One with a cupholder armrest that gets me there.
How should I get ahead at work? Tour the facilities and pick up slack.
How many hours sleep should I get? Get up early. Stay up late.
See? It can be life altering if only you open your mind to its wisdom.
Because I wasn't intelligent enough to write this blog anonymously, I am often muzzled in what I can share here. And I realize you probably don't really want to come here to hear me whine anyway.
So, suffice it to say, there are several - nay - three - highly annoying situations in my life that are causing Little Girl to fill Big Glasses with whiskey and Pepsi. However, I'm working on immediate solutions... because why?
My fingernails shine like justice and I'm using a machete to cut through red tape.
And when that's all done - I'll be back with some funny stories about weird people I grew up with. Because I'm not anonymous so they shouldn't be either.