Thursday, December 16, 2010

Fast and thorough and sharp as a tack.

While some people take inspiration from poetry or speeches, operas or beautiful landscapes, biblical passages or literature, I make all of the important decisions necessary to run my entire life on the principles set forth in the Cake song, Short Skirt Long Jacket.

It's a good strategy.

Can't decide what to wear? Got that one covered. Just add shoes that cut.

What type of vehicle should I get? One with a cupholder armrest that gets me there.

How should I get ahead at work? Tour the facilities and pick up slack.

How many hours sleep should I get?  Get up early. Stay up late.

See? It can be life altering if only you open your mind to its wisdom.

Because I wasn't intelligent enough to write this blog anonymously, I am often muzzled in what I can share here. And I realize you probably don't really want to come here to hear me whine anyway.

So, suffice it to say, there are several - nay - three - highly annoying situations in my life that are causing Little Girl to fill Big Glasses with whiskey and Pepsi.  However, I'm working on immediate solutions... because why?

My fingernails shine like justice and I'm using a machete to cut through red tape.

And when that's all done - I'll be back with some funny stories about weird people I grew up with. Because I'm not anonymous so they shouldn't be either.

12 comments:

  1. I didn't have the intelligence to blog anonymously either. And probably I wouldn't have the guts to write something not good about someone who could read it. Ah well.
    Does that fingernail polish come in cowardice?

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  2. I need to find at least one occasion today where I can use the phrase "My fingernails shine like justice..." because that is just awesome!

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  3. Too bad we all don't take that anonymous thing into account when we start our blogs. We puny humans and our lust for recognition ...

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  4. I blog anonymously and still can't say everything I want!! My mom reads the blog!

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  5. Dude, we should totally start an anonymous blog JUST SO we can write about the whackadoo bits, because there are plenty of them. In the meantime, take heart that at least your husband doesn't have a current or past drug problem, a recent mental breakdown, and a mother who steals and gambles that money. Just hypothetical, of course.

    I also take great comfort in the song "Lump." Many of my life's mysteries can be solved by listening to Lump.

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  6. Na na na na na.

    Sorry. You got me singing along in my head now.

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  7. I've been thinking the same thing.

    I hate DNA related peeps stopping by and commenting and telling me this and that.

    I'm with ya.

    Happy Christmas!

    How will I know where you start blogging anonymously? This sounds like its' gonna be good.

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  8. HEY! AweSOME!

    The capcha was "blessing."

    cool.

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  9. May your Justice League Fingernails prevail!

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  10. I agreeeeeeeeeeeeeee! And now that I'm in school it's even harder to write exactly what I'm feeling. What a conundrum indeed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  11. I hear you. I have posted the errant blog bitching about something and semi-sorta regretted it. At least that's what I told them before I deleted the entry. Come back soon!

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  12. I love reading your blog - thank you for the frequent updates!
    Wishing you the best of heath and happiness in 2011.

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