Tuesday, August 7, 2012

I better get invited to the movie premiere.

Remember when I told you about my Sista-from-anotha-mista, Tracey? I met her on the interwebs and we become lifelong pals when we realized we both used to ride the exact same model of little badass little Honda crotch rockets instead of acting like nice girls and doing our homework. She even guest-blogged for me once when I was camping.

Me and the Sista. After 972 cocktails. Her husband is a very patient fella.

I even visited her in Iowa and it turned out we liked each other in real life and had exactly the same highlights. Because we were separated at birth. Or something.

Well. Did you know that if you walk into any bookstore, Target, Costco or Piggly Wiggly RIGHT NOW, you will see a book that Tracey wrote...right there on the shelf? Because you will.

Next to freakin' F. Scott Fitzgerald, people!
 It's called On the Island. Tracey got up early before work every day for a year and wrote it. And then she edited it and let me read it. And I sat down at my computer and read the Word document and did not get up until I was done. Seriously, not even for a beer.  Tracey pitched her book to publishers and they were all, "No thanks, we only like stories about vampires, not real people."  But Tracey, being the hard-working Iowa gal she is said, "Fine. I'll publish it myself, you clowns." So she did. And it looked like this.

The story takes place in the Maldives. Sadly, I was not at the photoshoot.
And then, a funny thing happened. Real life people loved Tracey's book and downloaded it over and over and over again. Then guess what happened?  The publishers were all, "Hey, Trace - we changed our minds." And because Tracey is a nice person who would prefer to hold wine glasses to grudges, she said, "Eh, okay, fine. I guess you can sell my book for me." And they bought it and made it look like this.

Again, not one single person asked if I wanted to model for this. 


I think the best part of getting a book deal, besides the obvious CASH part of it is that you get to have the back cover author photo taken. I've been practicing for mine since I was about 4, well except for the brief interlude in the 80s when I was practicing for my album cover, in black turtleneck and silver flugelhorn, ala Chuck Mangione. Because did you guys know I play the flugelhorn? Anyway, I totally digress. Check out SFAM's hot author photo.

Someone better call the fire department, because something around here is smoldering hot.
So anyway, I am very proud and happy to know Tracey and thrilled to call her "author" and "friend" and it's really got me thinking...

I should write a book!

But what about?  Tracey had her characters floating around with her for years before she wrote about them. I don't have any characters in my head other than the ones that talk to me and tell me I left the garage door open and the iron on when I'm ten miles from home.

Maybe I could just design the cover first... then I'd be inspired to write the tale of the star-crossed lovers...

Still working on the title. But the sunset works, right?

I've never been much a romantic anyway. I'll go with something I know about...being a weird little kid. I knew some, I have some, I was one. This could work. Maybe I'll start with the back cover instead.

Or, maybe I should leave the authorin' of books to the professionals.  Congratulations to Tracey, who proved that hard work and belief in yourself, combined with some crazy good talent really pays off.

And thanks, too. Because last week I told my kid that I'd buy him an XBOX...unless of course, I could find my name in a book in the book department at Target. And then walked over to On The Island, opened up the acknowledgement page and showed him mommy's name in print. Ha ha, kid. Now go mow the lawn and earn your damned game like a normal person.




32 comments:

  1. Of course you're too modest to mention that you were the one who did the original cover for On the Island (and a kickass job you did, my friend).

    You're awesome, sista. We need to get together soon for 972 more drinks. xoxo

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    1. We're older and more mature now. Let's try and keep it to 971.

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  3. ok this has got to be the best blog post I have read all week...maybe all month. (yes I know it's only 7days into this month, so lets go with last month too). Thank you Tracey for sharing this post of fb. I think I will too!
    and by the way...love the 'And all night long he was on her and off her.' Frick Frack! I'd buy that book. *snickers*

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  4. This was an AWESOME post -- I loved hearing a little bit about you and I laughed out loud on more than one occasion, and WOW, you guys DO have the same highlights, and I really think you're a cool chick too! And I cracked up at your tagline for your Prepositional Phrase book--it could TOTALLY work!! PS... I am afraid to click on the HOnda "Crotch Rocket" ... I have something like that but it takes a double A and it's not made by Honda...

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    1. Ha! I should probably avoid talking about the crotch rocket in front of the kids!

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  5. If I had kids, you would me my model for motherhood! I LOVE how you psyched out the boy! Oh, and TGG is awesome too. ;-D

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    1. My evil methods work on pets and coworkers, too.

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  6. I just stumbled upon your blog! And I LOVE you already! Awesome!

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  7. You are Hilarious! Prepositional Phrase hahahaha I love your title too. Ever since I read On the Island months ago, I have been mentally casting for the movie. My bff and I decided on Zac Efron for T.J., but still have no clue for Anna. ...love your blog already.

    Tedi

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    1. Thanks, Tedi. What about making Anna 44 and having me play her? Sure, it changes the story a little, but I really need a trip to the Maldives.

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  8. I'm in love with this post. High-lar-ious :)

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    1. I'm in love with people who say High-lar-ious! Especially when combined with Hi-Jinks!

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  9. Oh, you could totally bitch-slap Fifty Shades of Gray.

    Congrats to your friend Tracey!

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  10. After reading blogs posts such as these, I think to myself, maybe I'm missing something but by not reading any fiction whatsoever since English Lit 101 in 1975. Then that feeling passes and I admit that I am a literary ignoramus. HOWEVER, it does not preclude me from being ever so happy for those who achieve this sort of success and for those who had a hand in it. Congrats to your Sis-in-Arms and to you for your help in that. Can't wait to see the movie.

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    1. Oh Jim! You are! You are! I'm going to send you a list that even a non-fiction reader will love.

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  11. Since you are this good, she should be too; as Sista's!
    Thanks for coming back.
    I'll try to get the book in my country, so she earns more and you are more widely known ;)

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    1. Hi Jardzy! I will make sure Tracey sends you a copy if you will take a picture of it somewhere cool! Send me your address!

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    2. Really???

      I'll write it for the next comment and want yours too. I have some more ridiculous postcards to send! And for your fake Sista too!!!

      You know what I can travel with the book to take the photo of it.
      Last time I was in Australia next time in Norway!!!

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  12. I really should do this, shouldn't I? Tell the agents and publishers to eff off and to go it alone, right?

    Must...overcome...inertia...

    And make a good cover.

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  13. Heeyy!

    We have a consultant from Denver in our department. He will be leaving tmw. I was planning to send you the postcard and a letter with him. So that he mails them from Denver to surprise you!!!

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    Replies
    1. Wow! What a small world! I cannot wait. Your book should be going out next week, I am not sure how long it will take to get to you. What type of work do you do? I wonder if I know him...!

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    3. http://www.msha.gov/MineRescue/Hallofame/ArtDavis.asp

      that's him.

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  14. You are the FUNNIEST rabble rouser of all time. Yay for your friend. If you love her so do I.

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  15. Thank you both, Yo Sistas!

    I have just received it.

    Hey guys! I have received one with an autograph!!! Thank you!

    I cant wait to read it.

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  16. Okay, first of all, my goofy husband makes that "Honor Her Offer" toast every time a toast is needed. Every. Time. Try hanging with me at a baptism. Just sayin.

    Second of all,what a great post! You have awesome friends and a kid that makes sucker bets. My boys learned very early on that if I lined up the bet, they were gonna lose. Big time.

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  17. Just read your blog update from 2 months ago.... wow, this is amazing and so happy for Tracey.

    Penne, write a book. Please! xoxo

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  18. Hi, I just came by from Cupcake Murphy's and OMG. you made me laugh out loud. While I was eating Polenta. So not a pretty sight.
    Thanks so much for the giggle.
    I'm off to clean up Polenta.
    Hey! That Rhymes!
    ... maybe I should write a book?

    Love your blog!

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