Monday, September 20, 2010

Where to begin?

I should start by saying that I've spent a goodly amount of time considering changing the name of my blog to "Adventures in the ER" or "Super Fun Times Bleeding in Public"...but I know how mommy blogs  are kind of popular, and referencing drinking whilst mommying is also big...so maybe it should just be "Mommy's Bleeding - Get her a Cocktail!" Oh ha ha, that'd be rich.

Turns out, I'm just sorta clumsy. Or I go too fast. Or the bulldog wants me dead. One of those things. Or all of those things put together.

I won't go into terrible bloody detail, because if you know me in real life, I've already bored you with the slow-mo reenactment of tidily drilling straight through my thumb with a wood screw and the resulting fleshy hamburger that exited my body through the new hole as the drill bit reversed and returned. I've already relived in exacting detail stepping onto a dog toy, accelerating due to a combination of freshly polished hardwood floors and completely treadless Birkenstocks and slamming forward at Mach-3 stopping only when my already substantial nose broke my fall into the large DVD player I was carrying.

If you know me, I've described to you the five stitches it took on the outside of my nose, the crimson and violet bags drooping underneath my eyes for the week following, the vertical fracture of my proboscis that still throbs daily, the clouds in my brain as the concussion cleared. I've demonstrated the lack of feeling in my thumb by poking at it in front of you. I've shown you the bills from the ER.

What I have not done is post pictures of my temporary disfigurement like I did with my children. Ethical? Perhaps not, but it is afterall, my blog.

I will tell you, however, that after receiving three shots in my face to numb my nose enough for stitches, I will never, ever, even consider Botox.

And, I will tell you that none of it compares to the pain I experienced when my hard drive crashed and the online back-up system I've trusted for years didn't really do everything I thought it was doing.

In short, it's kind of been a mess over here in Little Girl Land.

But the stitches are out, the bruises are gone. I sort of remember most of everything, and I have a big fat shiny new hard drive with almost everything I want on it. Somewhere. And I have a new external harddrive that holds a terabyte of information and is so beautiful I want to have children with it.

Thanks for waiting on me.

PS to Cupcake Murphy: I think "Haiku Laureate" is the nicest thing anyone's ever said regarding the badass bulldog. Thanks for giving me the oomph to dive in again.

9 comments:

  1. Ouch, ouch and double ouch.
    I'm glad that after all the pain you at least have a shiny new hard drive.
    Tread carefully out there!

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  2. Oh geez Penne. My nose hurts in sympathy. I'm gonna need to hear the whole bloody story on Friday. And I'll want to see your thumb too. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

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  3. Oh! I'm aching all over in sympathy! Poor thing! I think that definitely deserves getting good 'n drunk!

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  4. Oh my god girlie girl! Glad you're feeling better. I wouldn't consider botox either... OUCH!!!!

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  5. Wow, I feel like i need a drink now. I'm going to turn into Drinking Mommy Blogger thanks to you, Penne.

    By the by, botox doesn't hurt at all like Lidocaine. Lidocaine shots in the face hurt like a bitch. No matter where you shoot them, they hurt like one. Botox? Not so much.

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  6. Cupcake's very motivational, isn't she?

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  7. I'm such a worry wart I was thinking something awful happened to you ... and it did. I'm not certain of the lesson here but I do know that I am happy for your return. GGGGGGGooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOO Penne!

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  8. I wondered where you had gone, but I was hoping it was something good. Ouch! That doesn't sound fun at all. Glad you're back.

    P.S. My bulldog is a big road bump, too. WTF? Why she has to lay right in the middle of the damn floor...? And she has absolutely no "get out of the way!" skills. at. all.

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  9. Oh, my gosh.

    Did you not throw up at what the drill bit brought back out?

    I would've hit the deck.

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