Please hang up and try your call again.

At the office today, someone kept calling our main line and trying to fax to it. Next to an adult woman speaking baby talk, a fax signal is the most annoying noise on the planet. Technology allows us to make our phones ring with the Humpty Dance, or have the doorbell play the theme song to Inspector Gadget. Brookstone and Sharper Image made zillions on all those little white noise machines to make you think you’re sleeping at the beach in a thunderstorm, but is no-one looking into improving the fax noise? What the hell do scientists and engineers DO all day?

I notice on caller ID that its someone at our other location. Without using a single curse word, I politely and sweetly craft a fax to them (with smiley face!) that says – Hey, jus’ so ya know… you’re faxing to a phone number, wanna try the fax number? I then provide said number. Did I mention it had a smiley face? Hand-drawn.

I get back an apology that says, “Sorry. I shouldn’t try to multi-task.”

So…I’m just wondering…what exactly were you doing WHILE punching in a fax number to make you so distracted that you didn’t know what number you were punching in? Because when I send a fax, I’m sort of held hostage by standing there sending a fax. Do you have a wireless portable fax machine so you can walk about whilst faxing? Were you like, changing your oil? Diffusing a bomb? Writing a thesis? Because I’m pretty sure you weren’t cutting my expense check from two months ago.

Anyway. I’ll talk to your supervisor and let them know your plate is full. Then, I'm coming over to show you how to program your speed dialer.

PS - The first fax machine was invented in 1843...before the telephone. I just learned that on Wikipedia.