Friday, May 21, 2010

Flashback Friday. Marriage is a solemn occasion that must be taken seriously.

Unless you're 22 years old. And it's Valentine's Day. And you're in a small town in Northeastern Colorado. And you're a bridesmaid in a shiny pink satin dress, white nylons and pink frickin shoes that cost $20 for the shoes and $20 to dye them craptastic pink. Also some strange white piece of shit in your hair, and mandatory-nail-polish-assigned-by-the-bride.

In that case, right before the solemn ceremony, you should high-tail it to the one liquor store in town, get a quart of beer and ask an old cowboy guy to take your picture. Then, jump in your Toyota Tercel, drink the quart of beer without dripping too much of it on your dress and get your asses over to the church.

Where the bride is also burping beer. At 10 AM. But that might possibly be leftover burps from the night before. I'm not sure.

Hard to imagine, but the marriage didn't last five years. Go figure.

My pal Connie and me in all our pinkness. She's the one with Miller Lite. And dimples.

Postscript - I was also invited, that same Valentine's Day, to another wedding that I couldn't make due to my obligation to wear a shiny pink dress elsewhere. That sacred union lasted less than two years. Note to the Internet: Please don't get married on Valentine's Day. When you're 22. The end.


  1. I feel like I dodged a bullet by your not posting a picture of the flower garden ensemble I forced you to wear in my wedding. Because I'm sure there was a stop at the liquor store on the way to that ceremony too - it just didn't happen to be in Eastern Colorado. But hey, you two look FAB-U-LOUS, even in shiny pink poly satin!

  2. How did you end up wearing my prom dress from 1990 to your friend's wedding?! That's so weird!

  3. I really hope you aren't friends with the person who made you wear that.

  4. Did you buy into the " you can shorten it and wear it as a date dress?" crap?

  5. If being friends with my mom is wrong, I don't want to be right. Don't be a pink puff hater, Penne. Pink puffs unite. I'm off to dig out photos to scan for your viewing pleasure.

  6. Toyota Tercels are harbingers of doom kind of.



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