Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Neighbor Jane said if I didn't put up another post everyone was going to think I slit my wrists but I said I would never slit my wrists because it would get blood on my keyboard and I've seen what coffee with milk can do to a hard drive so there's no way I'd mess around with that.  Because I talk in run-on sentences with Neighbor Jane all the time.

Did I ever tell you that like half the people on my block are named Jane or some derivation of Jane? It's sort of hard to get used to but is way better than the cult-de-sac we used to live on where all the couples names rhymed. Brandy and Randy, Dawn and Ron, Nic and Rick. Although on that street there was also the coolest named couple ever, Harley and Twyla. I had to call the HOA about them once because the enormous flag they hung over their house was flapping so loud the babies couldn't sleep, but I've always hoped to use their names in a very Eudora Welty-esque short story about subdivisions.

Anyway, let me hereby report that I in no way shape or form have purposely cut any part of my body in recent months or ever including my wrists. I have fallen on my ass on ice at work like four times though, but I promise it was an accident almost all of the times.

And, not only am I not critically bleeding, I've actually found some things to not frown about.

Exhibit A.

The $100 tree I bought last summer to put in the dog run only because they said it could handle the heat of being surrounded by pea gravel has these on it. They smell like honeysuckle, lilac and gardenia all mixed up in a yummy bucket of spring.
 Exhibit B:

A 14-year old who not only goes on job interviews but looks damned good doing it.

A 12 year old with a school dance the same day as 14 year old's interview so I can take a picture of boys in suits. Even if they are Sears model shots.

Is there a market for watch models?

Look. At. The. Size. Of. His. Feet.
 Exhibit C:

It's front porch season. Finally.

Exhibit D:
Because the floors were too clean and I simply had too much time on my hands.
Lastly, in a brazen act of selfishness and irresponsibility, I bought me a puppy, you guys. Because much like scarves or kick ass boots, one can really never have too many bulldogs.  Her name is Chowder Prudence but we call her Betty Pearl.  Chowder because it's just an awesome name. Prudence because my father called my sisters and me "Patience, Prudence and Grace." Betty because when you tell someone in a loud bar that your name is Penne, they say "Betty?" "Your name is Betty?"  And you say, "What? Nobody in this bar is named Betty, you freak, we're all 22 years old. What is this, an Archie comic?" And Pearl because she was born on Pearl Harbor Day.  So there, Nazis.  (That doesn't make any sense. I realize that, but I'm pretty sure we're not supposed to talk mean about Japan anymore.)

Thanks for waiting out the shadows with me. Here's to smelly trees, silly boys, porch swings and puppies.


  1. What good-lookin' boys (and puppy) you have! My once-two-year-old boyfriend looks great in a suit, too.

  2. Exhibit D has me squealing and shimmying with delight. And thank god you are back in the blogosphere - it's been so unclever without you!

  3. Those boys look like proper junior citizens, if they were mine I'd be grinning and proud.

  4. This was such fun to read! The Watch Model is adorable.

  5. this is more than good news. loved them all.

  6. This paralyzed me from amazement and laughter and relief that there is hope that you will post more because we NEED to expose this whole Couples With Rhyming Names thing. I salute you.

  7. Oh my dog that dog is so cute.

  8. Cute dog. Nice to hear you're back.

  9. Yay! You're back! And with a puppy! And cute boys! And swings! And I had alotta~caffeine while you were gone! ha ha! !!!!!!!

  10. I want to sit on your porch! It looks so comfortable.

  11. OMG! A BULLDOG PUPPY!! Yah, yah and the handsome boys, too, but a BULLDOG PUPPY!! Does she write haiku? Or maybe limericks? I wish my bulldog wrote limericks.

    P.S. if I bring the wine, can I sit on your front porch?



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