Monday, November 3, 2008

Civic Duty.

I don’t really like to talk about politics. I’m a good citizen and all, but arguing about policy with friends or pounding signs into an otherwise healthy lawn has never really appealed to me.

This is different. It’s just too important, and really involves all Americans on a very basic level. From Joe the Plumber to Big Oil, this issue is really at the bottom of all humanity. It affects each and every one of us. But it especially affects my eight year old, and he is the one who brought it to my attention.

Our boy Pete was recently elected to Student Council Representative of the Third Grade (B). That “B” is for his political party, which is Boy. There is also a (G). Apparently, they have very different priorities and thus require separate but equal representation. He’s understandably very proud of his position, and looks forward to weekly meetings over lunch where he’s been issued his Very Own Binder in which he takes diligent notes.

Thus far, the group has organized several spirit days (Wear Your Clothes Backwards!) and has purchased some new playground balls. But Pete has higher aspirations. He wants to solve problems. And, today, I bring to you one of the biggest issues facing his school.

They need way Softer Toilet Paper.

It seems the toilet paper at school is scratchy and (ahem) rather thin. My son argues that students either a) avoid using the facilities, or b) use MORE toilet paper than they would a higher quality, softer version because of the THIN-NESS. He states that softer and thicker toilet paper would be beneficial for the environment AND school budgets, since less would be used. The benefits to his constituency are obvious. And, since he realizes that this year’s janitorial supplies have likely already been purchased, a SOFT THICK TOILET PAPER DRIVE is in order.

Won’t you help the children? A roll or two of the good stuff from a few dozen folks will really benefit the bottom line, if you know what I’m saying.

Please send your extra rolls to:
Bromwell Elementary School
C/O Student council TP Drive
Attention Third Grade Representatives
2500 East Fourth Avenue
Denver, Colorado 80206


  1. It's time someone told the younger generation about what they had for toilet paper in schools before they came along. It was labeled "institutional" and, I suppose the state bought it cheap for prison inmates and public school children to use. It was unbleached paper, the consistency of a Monkey Ward catalog (what are those?) page and had big chunks of wood still floating in it, as Bill Cosby once described state-supplied writing paper when he was in school. We had to buy our own writing paper. At home, we used pages from outdated Monkey Ward catalogs in the outhouse. BUT, after getting up at 4:00 AM, delivering 250 copies of the Rocky Mountain News, then walking to school (uphill both ways, 10 miles of 5' deep snowdrifts), it really would have been nice to use a warm restroom with soft paper! Sometimes I just waited 'til I got home after playing outside until dark, then running all the way home(uphill both wayws, 10 mile of 5' deep snowdrifts) before I could finally use the outhouse after I did my chores.....

  2. Dear Grandpa, (I mean Guess Who),

    Nothing's changed except global warming, which means I walk 5 miles uphill both ways in 90 degrees, then have to wait to poop at home because we only have Rocky Mountain News in the bathrooms at school. And my mom has absolutely no sympathy and makes fun of me on the Internet.

    Love, Pete



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