Friday, June 18, 2010

Two stories that seem completely unrelated until you realize they both are good examples of my social ineptitude.

Last week I attended my 25th HS Class Reunion, which sounds so official that I capitalized it, but really, it was 6 people at the tavern around the corner from my house. (My high school? Not so big.) Also - because the other 30 people in my class were busy last weekend, we're having another reunion in August. Huge schools with hundreds of kids only need one, but we're special. Not special like short bus special, just special like, oh forget it.

Anyway, while I was there I was talking to someone that the last time I talked to her I was wearing two pairs of scrunchy socks, Esprit overalls, plaid Keds and a blueberry-scented Swatch Watch. She's got 4 kids, the oldest of which is 14. And female. And she home schools them, so they're always at home. When she told me this, I laughed and said, "Wow - that must be fun - having a teenaged girl in the house all the time...I'm so glad I have boys."  (This is called SMALL TALK. People do it when they have nothing real in common other than where they went to high school.) She looked at me as if I WAS STILLwearing two pairs of scrunchy socks, Esprit overalls, plaid Keds and a blueberry-scented Swatch Watch and said, "Well, I LOVE my daughters."

And that is when I went to talk to someone else.

Two days later, a friend, we'll call her Professor Barbie, because, well...she's a professor, called and told me about an unfortunate experience she'd just had with her daughter. Seems a bunch of moms and a bunch of 7 year old girls were all at a house having their Mother-Daughter Book Club, and afterwards, the homeowner's sweet labradoodle bolted out and decided that under a moving car would be a fun place to play. Sadly, very sadly, the Mother-Daughter in the moving car didn't realize the doggy did that, and the labradoodle - named Charlotte - was killed. In front of the entire Mother-Daughter Book Club.

And again, I said, "Wow - I am so glad I have sons."

Only this time I said it very very quietly, and only in my head. Because regardless of what you've heard, I do actually learn.

What I said out loud was, "And that, right there, is why I will never join a book group." 

PS - RIP Charlotte. She really was a lovely creature, even if she did have poor depth perception.


  1. Aw man. I'm already having a rough morning and now this?! Charlotte didn't deserve to die.

    I don't know. The last time all the males in my house were acting super maley all at the same time I yelled "CAN'T JUST ONE OF YOU BE A GIRL FOR A CHANGE?" And then I got my wish and my husband started acting like a girl and whining and bitching all the time and now I changed my mind.

  2. I've got one boy and I'm hoping for more. Whoever said they're messier has clearly never matched wills with a pissed off teenage girl.

    I read this haiku once:

    "Three boys?" Eyebrows raised
    Laugh now! Soon, sweet girls are teens.
    I'll laugh last, you bitch!

    Always makes me laugh.

  3. I had a smelly Swatch. After a couple weeks it just smelled disgusting.

    Funny post.

  4. What KLZ said is so true! I had two boys and one girl (she was in the middle- so yay, there's that middle child syndrome, too) and if I didn't think Stone Phillips was hiding behind every tree, I'd have traded her for a boy on craigslist.

  5. Omygawd. You are funny. I should come here every day, when I need cheering up. I belly laugh in this place.

    I'm about to have a friend move in who has two thirteen year old girls. Should I be frightened?

  6. Kat - thank you, and yes, be very frightened. Did you see KLZ's Haiku? Actually - I bet your friend's daughters are sweet. All I have to go on is my own experience AS a 13 year old female. :-)

  7. Poor, poor Charlotte.

    But I love how your mind works.

    Somedays I find the 14 yr old boy more exhausting than the 12 yer old girl.

  8. lol at the "not special like short bus special". haha

    i think its cool that you guys have two high school reunions.

  9. There is something about the way you write that makes me equal parts hyena laughing and equal parts happy-partial-jealous trance. But mostly I just go "I'm happy she thinks that" and I think this is a good thing.

  10. Evidence of your lesson learned would have been more compelling had you not seen the said driver (who you may not have known was the driver) and sweetly asked her about it a week later. Yeah.



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