Friday, August 8, 2008


Thank you for your thoughtful inclusion of dictionary passages in your communication to me.

Afterall, I am not very familiar with these things you call “words,” their meanings, or usage. It’s mind-boggling to think that I’ve somehow made a very comfortable living as a “writer” for the past two decades without your assistance. I’m sure I would have been found-out as a fraud eventually, but with your help I can continue my evil scam indefinitely.

In any case, I believe your experience as a bartender truly qualifies you to teach me the language, and I greatly appreciate it. I long for the day when you branch out to help me with grammar, and if I’m lucky, perhaps even more complicated topics like efficient paper-clipping.

Say - when you get a minute, why doncha put down the Webster’s, and succinctly bite my ass? That'd be just swell.

1: a sharp and often satirical or ironic utterance designed to cut or give pain
2 a: a mode of satirical wit depending for its effect on bitter, caustic, and often ironic language that is usually directed against an individual
: the use or language of sarcasm

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