Friday, October 3, 2008

A tender tale of childhood.

This could surprise you, but I was raised by smart asses. Loving, kind, generous people to be sure, but they are also tremendous smart asses. My father’s standard answer to most questions from “Can we go to Disneyland” to “Can I have a slumber party?” was LET’S NOT AND SAY WE DID. He found great amusement in this.

One of my greatest days was when I heard a bible verse that said “Fathers, do not be irritating your children.” It became my standard answer for Let’s Not and Say We Did. (And most things my parents said and did from 1974 to 1988.) But in the end he got his way, because I was not only irritated but I also didn’t go to Disneyland or have the slumber party. And so the win goes to Daddy.

But surely the thing I heard most growing up was, (make sure you say this slowly, and pause a great deal at each comma) “Why is it that, whenever you have nothing to say, you open your mouth, and say it anyway?” This has the potential to be terribly disheartening and esteem-crushing to a regular kid. But to a child raised by smart asses, it is simply a challenge. So - I’d like to announce I no longer just open my mouth and say nothing. Now, when I have nothing to say, I type it up and post it on the Internet. So there. One point for me, Daddy.

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